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  1. #1
    Seasoned Adventurer Revelator is offline Revelator's Avatar
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    Fantasy Story Intro

    Fantasy Story Intro

    I love to write. I'm working on a fantasy epic. This is the intro for it. I'm looking for criticism, but more on my writing style, and the atmosphere that you get from what I have.

    He felt a presence in front of him. He snapped his eyes open to take in the golden light that shone through the thick forest canopy. He sat amongst aged stone blocks of a brilliant white that seemed to almost glow of their own accord, where they weren’t covered by a strange blue-green moss. The final decaying skeletons of age-old structures could still be discerned from the remaining stones. Enormous tree trunks, hundreds if not thousands of years old sprouted amid the ruins, a sign of the true age of the ruins.
    Ten feet in front of him was an amorphous smoky entity. It seemed to be standing, however its ‘feet’ shifted and flowed but the main body of it didn’t move, except where it blurred at the edges into a vapor. It had a vaguely humanoid shape, though it seemed to have large wings folded behind it shrouded in the same cloud of smoke. Where the head was there was only two glowing orange slits for eyes.
    Awaken, my guardian,” the entity in front of him spoke in a voice like the wind that swirled through the forest. There was no discernable gender to the voice, it seemed to be both yet neither at the same time.
    “How long since I’ve last woke?” he asked as he slowly uncoiled himself from the ground and rose to his feet.
    Forty three years you have slept,” the being responded in its flat, other-worldly voice.
    “Then I’m needed,” he said, a statement of fact. He rolled his shoulders and then his head before closing his eyes and sending his senses out. He was able to detect the intruders far to the south-west, near the edge of the wood.
    The being hovered there, staring at him. It needed to speak no words. As the guardian slowly stretched out, working out muscles still tired from their dormancy, the glowing eyes slowly closed and the mist that compromised the form began to sink onto the forest floor and slowly dissipate into nothing.
    The guardian hardly spared his visitor’s disappearance a glance as he stretched, shaking the slumber from his form. He quickly thought about it, it had been roughly three hundred years since any outsider had set foot in the Forest of Eternal Evening. The ancient edict had been breached, and the transgressors must pay the price. The guardian reached behind him and pulled out a long, gently curving knife made of some material that appeared like bone, yet black and luster-less. He looked it over once then slid it back into the sash around his waist.
    The guardian looked in the direction of the disturbance, brilliant emerald eyes bore through the trees. He swept his arm in front of him and a breeze picked up, swirling leaves into a funnel around him, and then it died away and vanished, along with him.

  2. #2
    Founder Jason Sanborn is offline Jason Sanborn's Avatar
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    Very nice introduction there. Would love to read more if you have anything written.
    QC1: From this day forth you shall be called "Sprinkle Berryweather".

    Kevin Flynn: The Grid. A digital frontier. I tried to picture clusters of information as they moved through the computer. What did they look like? Ships, motorcycles? Were the circuits like freeways? I kept dreaming of a world I thought I'd never see. And then, one day... ...I got in!




  3. #3
    Real nice and intriguing It'd be great to have these characters in an established setting like the CrossGen Reborn universe (hint hint).

  4. #4
    Seasoned Adventurer Revelator is offline Revelator's Avatar
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    I do have more written. The guardian I have well fleshed out as a character. He's one of the main characters of the story. As far as setting, it's an original setting that I'm developing. I can put up more, I just need to re-read over it again to tweak it then I'll have it up.

    I'll take a look at crossgen though
    Last edited by Revelator; 08-30-2011 at 11:47 AM.

  5. #5
    Oh, sure, and no pressure . Just look around and find whatever you like the most.

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