[IC] Growing Pains

[Tigers]

Anya Lovas-Yeats & Zora Yeats

After Asif left, Zora shut her eyes and slept. There wasn't much else she could do until the doctors decided one way or another about her condition. It was strange, not feeling anything below your waist and in some instances embarrassing for the young girl. She had to have a catheter and the idea of needing help for simple things like going to the bathroom was difficult to deal with.

To keep from causing further embarrassment, it was one of the nurses that helped her with these moments. Anya would graciously step out of the room to give her sister that time to deal with her emotions. Less stress on her sister meant she could use that energy for healing instead of dealing with the worry and embarrassment of having her family help her. But Anya knew that if her sister's condition were to become permanent, the likelihood that she would have to depend on a family member for awhile was inevitable.

She would catch Zora once in awhile testing the feeling in her body. She would touch around the area of her abdomen to where the skin was numb, then she'd slowly run her hand down her hip and waste. It pained Anya to watch her do it, knowing how frustrating it had to be for her sister. Today though, she'd forgone the normal routine after waking up and opted just to stare at the ceiling while Anya studied. To try and keep her mind occupied, she often read her texts to her, bounced off questions and engaged her in conversation. This was what they were doing when Lina had come in.

"Hi Aunt Lina." Zora replied softly.

"He did, thank you and I was worried about him."

Anya got up from the bed and put her book down and greeted Aunt Lina as well.

"I'm going to run to the cafeteria, is there anything I can bring back for either of you?"Anya asked.

Once her question was answered, Anya left the two of them alone. There was several moments of silence in the room while Zora debated asking her aunt the questions that occupied her mind. After a shuttered breath, Zora turned her head and looked at her aunt Lina.

"How...how did feel when you were hurt? How did you deal with it without...going crazy?" She asked quietly.

[Monkey Kitty]

Lina



"Just a glass of water, please, Anya?" Lina asked with a smile.

When Zora and Lina were alone and Zora asked her question, Lina drew a deep breath. This wasn't the question she had been expecting, and although she didn't mind answering, she wasn't sure if her response would make the girl feel better or worse.

"My situation was very different, Zora," Lina said gently. "And I'm afraid that the beginning of my story won't be of any help to you. When I was hurt, there was a great deal of confusion, and a lot of physical pain, as I'm sure there was for you. I wasn't immediately able to process what had happened to me. When I woke up the first time, I was in a storage shed that had been set up as a makeshift morgue. When I woke up again... I was surrounded by strange men. They took turns raping me, and... surviving that was all my mind could tolerate at the time. This may sound strange to you, but I simply didn't start coming to terms with my disability for many years. They kept me chained to the wall anyhow, so being unable to walk didn't affect me nearly as much as... as the abuse. As missing Asif."

She shrugged, and went on, "I didn't really start to think about how the injury would affect me until I came here. It was as if I'd been having a nightmare for forty years, and normal life was on hold until I 'woke.' At first, I was afraid my life would never be the same. That I would never be able to do the things I enjoyed again. That my husband would be burdened with taking care of me."

"But the greater worry was... was that Asif wouldn't love me anymore. That he wouldn't want me. I knew he would not leave me. He is an honourable man, and he would not abandon his injured wife. I feared, though, that his heart would no longer be in the marriage. That he would go through the motions for me, but get nothing out of the relationship himself. I didn't want to make him unhappy. I was afraid that in his secret heart, he would wish I never came back."

"It took reassurance from Asif to get over that fear. It did not happen all at once. It took seeing he still loved me, still desired me, to make me feel secure. One thing that helped was that Asif asked me how I would feel if the situation were reversed. Would I still love him? Would I want to care for him? And of course, the answer was yes. I would not want to be away from him, no matter what happened. So why would I not believe he would feel the same about me?"

"The more time I've spent in the community - the more time I've been free - the more I've discovered that I can still do most things. Sometimes I have to adapt the method, but there is little that I simply can't do at all because of my arm and leg."

Actually, it was Lina's visual disability that caused her the most difficulty these days. She had figured out how to do most activities from her wheelchair, but she would never again be able to, for example, drive a car or ride a bicycle even with adaptations, because she had no depth perception anymore. Lina didn't bother bringing that up, though, because as far as she knew Zora's eyes were unaffected, so there would be little benefit to the girl to hear about it.

"I also still hope to heal. Of course, my arm and my leg will not ever grow back. I have started physical therapy, though, and Lukas is helping me to learn to use prosthetics. Even though some things can't be fixed, I believe I will continue to make progress."

She smiled sympathetically, and asked, "How are you feeling, Zora? Truthfully? I know that you have hope of a full recovery, but I can't imagine you are without fears and apprehensions even so."

[Tigers]

Zora Yeats


Zora felt a little guilty for asking Lina about her injuries, not knowing the full circumstances she did not know about the repeated rapes. It caused an uncomfortable shiver to run down her spine and felt even more awkward when the sensation just stopped at the point of her injury. It made her think of her sister and their time with Tyr, nightmares that remain hidden in the back of her mind for a long time.

"I'm sorry Aunt Lina." Zora replied softly.

"I didn't mean to..."

The look in Lina's eyes caused her to stop. Lina did not want her to feel guilty and she was obviously more concerned for Zora rather than her own painful memories. She stared at her immobile legs and thought about Lina's question. There were so many things she was feeling right now, anger, frustration, fear and helplessness.

"I..." She began before looking away once more.

"So many things, I don't know where to begin." Zora admitted.

"I don't want to be in this bed anymore." She replied honestly.

"I just want to go back home. I want to be back in school. I want to be anywhere but in this bed."

[Monkey Kitty]

Lina



Lina hadn't meant to upset Zora, or to suggest in the slightest that her own problems had been more significant than Zora's. She knew that Zora was dealing with tremendous pain and uncertainty, and she felt nothing but sympathy for her. There really hadn't been any way to give an honest answer to Zora's question without providing some context, though. If Lina had simply said it hadn't initially affected her - without the explanation that it was because she was simultaneously trying to survive horrific abuse and didn't have the emotional resources to process everything at once - it would give very much the wrong impression of what had happened. Lina didn't want Zora to receive the implication, even unintentionally, that having these feelings was wrong or unusual.

So Lina had told the truth, but she also tried to convey with her expression and body language that she was alright, and it was fine to just focus on what Zora needed right now.

"I understand," Lina replied. "I wish I could make it better for you. Everyone who loves you wishes that. All we can do, though, is be here for you and listen to you. That is something we would like to do. It is something I would like to do. Whatever you need to say, I will listen without judgment. All of us will do our best to make the time pass quickly for you. In the meantime, though, it is fine to feel what you feel. You have been through a great deal, and things will get better... but it is normal to be sad, angry, and frightened even so. There is no shame in that."

[Tigers]

Zora Yeats

"I...I don't want to be selfish." Zora replied quietly.

"I don't know how to shut off these feelings. They..."

Zora looked up at Lina, her eyes filled with the knowledge and pain of what her life would have been and what it was now.

"They wouldn't have bothered with me...where I was born...they would have let me die. Once you're a burden, when you're no longer useful..."

"I just can't stop those feelings. I know mom and dad would never throw me away like that, but I just can't bury the feelings of being useless."

Zora felt exhausted, talking so much, sharing so much it was tiring in a way she couldn't have imagined. The last thing she wanted to do was be a burden, and despite everyone telling her the contrary, she still felt that way. Anya was staying with her and had barely left her side, her parents and siblings had to arrange their schedules to accommodate being with her. They should be celebrating Alenka's news, not worrying about her.

Anya had returned with their drinks and had quietly sat upon her bed and returned to studying, but not before giving Zora's hand and comforting squeeze. Why couldn't she get rid of these feelings, especially when there was so much love. Realizing she'd been quiet, she gave Lina a brave smile.

"I'm going try though." She replied softly.

"Thank you for visiting Lina, it means a lot to me."

[Monkey Kitty]

Lina



"I cannot imagine you being selfish, Zora," Lina replied with a gentle smile. "I understand your fears. I am from a culture where a child may be killed for being born a girl... and I know that even when we are in a better position, the fears never entirely leave. You are far from useless, though. You are a wonderful friend, daughter, and sister. You are already an excellent teacher. This injury does not change the fact that you have a tremendous amount to offer. I think with time you will see that."

She smiled at Anya, and thanked her for the water.

"I am glad you will try," Lina told Zora. "I will help you as much as I can. It was my pleasure to visit. You should rest now, but I will come again soon."

[Tigers]

Anya Lovas-Yeats & Zora Yeats

Anya looked up from her book and smiled at Lina's words to her sister. The continued positive reinforcement was good for her, and there were no lies to what was being said. It had taken this long for Anya herself to put aside the horrible feelings and emotions of what had happened with Tyr and his men, and yet she knew that she would likely always deal with the residual feelings the rest of her life. But because of the love and encouragement from her family and the community, she had recovered a lot faster than if they'd been on their own. The same would happen for Zora with time, she just needed to cut herself some slack.

They gave their thanks to Lina for the visit and bid her goodbye. Anya got up from her bed and walked over to her sister, she did look rather pale and tired.

"Lina's right, you should get some rest. Mom and dad will be by later, best to be rested for their visit."

Zora gave her sister a small smile and closed her eyes as Anya lightly touched her forehead to check for a fever. She pulled Zora's blanket up around her to keep her from getting a chill and returned to her place on her bed.

The nap had done Zora good, her color was much improved by the time her family came to visit and it had given her the strength she needed to spend with each of them. Despite her fears, being around family could not keep her from smiling, especially with the love and affection from her younger siblings, the encouragement from her older siblings, and the simple presence of her parents. From the motherly caresses of Helen's fingers through her hair and the comforting hand of her father on a shoulder or hand, she had the strength to continue on. She could never go back to the life she had, ever.

It was these pleasant thoughts of family that she drifted off to sleep with. Tomorrow was another day, filled with pain, worry and the ever ending battle of emotions, but her family gave her strength and for them she would try, for them she would continue to fight.


***************



Roxanna Volkova & Zora Yeats



The following morning Zora woke up alone in her room. She must have been more tired than she thought from visiting with her family the night before. Anya was likely up and already working at the clinic and she knew that her mother would be around soon. They were not going to let her be alone so it was likely that her mother had gone to the cafeteria after seeing that she was still asleep. It startled her then, when she heard the knock at the door.

"Hey, Zora. Is it umm.......alright if I come in?" Roxanna asked hesitantly.

Zora was a bit surprised to see her, she knew that Rox was still feeling awkward about the kiss and leery of the adults. There was no animosity towards her, especially after talking with her mother, but Rox's uncertainty was still there. Roxanna had lived a very different life than Zora, it was understandable that she would confuse an intimate kiss for gratitude. Zora had just been caught off guard, she'd never really thought of romance or sex, and after what happened to Anya, she preferred to not think of it at all for right now.

"Sure, I'd like that." She replied softly.

Rox cleared her throat, being genteel, watching her mouth, and being careful of just how straight forward she was with her responses was still a work in progress. Veronika had offered to come with her, but this was something she knew she had to do on her own. Seeing Zora laid up in bed was difficult. Roxanna was not comfortable in hospitals and her own experiences had only furthered her dislike.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Smooth Rox, how the hell do you think she's doing?! She chastised herself.

"I mean it was a pretty shitty.....ah.....I mean a crappy thing that happened."

Rox groaned inwardly, this was not going well. Inwardly she was cursing a blue streak at herself and it was hard the negative thoughts at bay. Once a whore, always a whore, she silently thought. Rox scratched the back of neck.

"Sorry, I'm not good at this shi...I mean stuff. And umm.....I wanted to apologize again about the kiss."

Rox whipped her sweaty palms on the back of jeans.

"I was....hoping when you get to feeling better that um...maybe we could pick back up where we left off?"

The coloring on Zora's cheeks made Roxanna realize what she'd just said.

"Fu..Shi...ugh...I didn't mean that...I...I meant the learning stuff."

Roxanna let out a frustrated sigh. Boy did she suck at this maybe she should have taken V's offer and let her come along.

"Sorry, I...I should probably just go."

Rox moved to the door.

"Wait! Roxanna it's...it's okay really."

Where Rox was a lot more worldly, Zora was more innocent. She'd embarrassed not only herself but Rox as well. But knowing that Roxanna still wanted to learn, despite their awkward moments, that right there made Zora smile. She loved to teach and helping others like Rox made it all worth the highs and lows.

"As soon as the doctors say it's okay, I would like that."

Rox let out a ragged breath and for the first time since entering the room, she shot Zora a lopsided grin.

"So, I'll ah bring Veronika with me next time I come to visit."

"That would be nice, thank you Roxanna."

Rox nodded her head and went straight for the door. Her palms were still sweating and her heart racing, but she'd managed to get through it with minimal damage...she hoped. She nearly ran into Helen on her way out and the lopsided grin nearly vanished. Parents, that was something else she was getting used.

"Mrs. Yeats."

The thought of how much she'd heard of the conversation immediately entered the young vampire's mind. Catching only a part of it could have sounded horrible, but Rox really didn't want to stick around to find out. She said hello and good bye as quickly as possible. She didn't want to be rude, but some days she knew that she just wasn't at to the top of her game, today being one of them.

[Tigers]

Zora Yeats


After several weeks of being trapped and confined to a bed, time seemed to drag for Zora's recovery. Weeks began to seem like months and the month she was there seemed like years. After dealing with several surgeries, pain of various sorts, emotions of every variety and the start of physical therapy, Zora was almost giddy with relief to finally get to go home.

In the beginning her depression had been the result of her injury, toward the end it was more a matter of feeling trapped and stuck in the infirmary. Zora tried never to complain though, she had a love and support from family and friend from the community that she never had as a mortal. Sasha had visited on several occasions during her long recovery. She and Anya had a connection with the hybrid from her part involving Tyr, perhaps not as strong as the bond between their older sister Millie, but you would never know by the way Sasha treated them. Like one of the family.

One surgery had been bad enough in Zora's mind, but her injuries required multiple and Zora prayed that she would not have to endure anymore in the future. Despite these feelings however, between the surgery and her immortal healing abilities, she had regained feeling in her legs. It had been slow, the numbing, tingling feeling one felt when the blood flow had been cut off far too long from an appendage. That had been followed by the sharp pains of nerves firing causing her legs to spasm involuntarily. It was those sudden shots of pain running down from her back to her legs that often times drive her to the point of tears.

But that had just been the beginning of more pain unfortunately. Immortal or not, her muscles had not been used in over a month and although Zora had been a fit young lycan, she was not in the kind of shape the fighters of their community were. Physical therapy had been required to reacquaint her legs to the actions of movement and feeling. Some days, she almost wished for the sharp shooing pains over what she felt during a therapy session. She couldn't have asked for a better therapist than Millie's mate, Lukas. He was gentle, compassionate and he never made her feel ashamed of her tears or the involuntary reactions her body had towards the therapy.

Most of all, he was very understanding of her frustration and anger. She would have never thought after all her years of walking and running that within a minuscule amount of time, her body would have seemed to have forgotten such simple movements. Of course she wouldn't be doing any running any times soon, but the walking, she felt like a newborn. After some time, she eventually graduated from wheel chair, to back brace and leg braces and she was quickly working toward crutches and then perhaps a cane.

During this time, she and her family had learned that she would likely never regain full strength in both legs. The nerves and spinal cord had simply been too damaged. Had she been mortal, if she'd have lived through the ordeal at all, she would be a permanent paraplegic. She would always have to deal with weakness in her legs and there would be frustrating times that the nerves may simply give out on her at certain times all together.

But at least the cane wouldn't always have to be a permanent thing, only for those days that she needed the extra support. Zora still had to face one final trial however, eventually she would have to let her body go through the natural change of her lycanthropy. With how the body stretches and contorts to her lycan form may pose complications. For now, she would be denied the change while her body continued to mend. Dr. Johnston would return a few months from now for her first transformation after the accident. They couldn't keep her body from changing forever, but they could at least allow it more time to mend and try to avoid any unnecessary complications from a stressful change.

Zora closed her eyes for a moment as she sat in her wheelchair waiting on her parents. She would have preferred to wear the brace and use the crutches, but she'd have enough exercise when she got home so she didn't fuss about it. Besides, she didn't want to risk having to stay another day. Right now her mind was focused on getting to take a real bath for the first time since her accident. Sponge bathes were awkward and embarrassing for the young lycan. Even though she'd have to have some assistance in and out of the bath tub, it would be in the privacy of her home and involve either her sister or her mother to be in the room.

At least she would be home, and she's get to start tutoring again soon. Besides Roxanna, her mother had informed her that she would have several other students to teach as well. This, after everything else brought a smile to Zora's face. She couldn't wait to get home and put this behind her.

[Monkey Kitty]

Eszter



Eszter had a bookbag slung over her shoulder for her first visit to Zora since the other young Lycan got out of the hospital. It wasn't the first time Eszter had seen her aunt since the injury - all of the Kazlars had visited regularly - but somehow it seemed different now. Zora was back at home now, and with that move, Eszter got the feeling that she had moved from patient to going on with her life. That was why Eszter brought the books. She hadn't wanted to bother Zora when she was recovering in the infirmary, but now Eszter thought it was time for Zora to get back into the teaching routine... and she thought Zora would feel better when she did.

"Hi, Zora!" Eszter said cheerfully as she entered her young aunt's room. "How are you feeling?"

When Zora had replied, Eszter added shyly and a little nervously, "The doctors think I'm going to have my first Lycan transformation soon. Maybe it'll happen at the same full moon when you change again. Then it would be sort of a new thing for both of us, and we could deal with it together."

[Tigers]

Zora Yeats


It was wonderful to be home, to be able to sleep in her own bed, to take a bath. This felt like heaven to Zora, despite how tiring it was. There was only so much moving around she could do outside of her regular therapy and it was tiring, but at least it was from actual exertion and not lying in a bed. She was certain she would sleep heavy tonight, as long as the muscle spasms she was currently having subsided by then. They could be irritating, but she would take the irritation over no feeling what so ever.

She was sitting at her desk when Eszter came in.

"Hi Eszter." She replied quietly with a smile.

Almost as if response to Eszter's question, her leg muscle had a spasm causing Zora to blush.

"I'm good, just....dealing with some muscle spasms."

Despite her embarrassment, she chuckled softly and added.

"I accidentally kicked Anya under the table last night." She added blushing a deeper red.