"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can ‘ooh' and ‘aah' over my experience."
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
"My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under thos conditions."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."