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  1. #1
    The Great Orange One Qwaring's clone#1 is offline Qwaring's clone#1's Avatar
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    Jun 2004
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    Cloney Quest! The Quest for Literacy... Or a better title...

    Cloney Quest! The Quest for Literacy... Or a better title...

    The Blood Lance... an ages-old star ship. A relic of another era, another universe. It is a war ship, through and through. It was designed for death and carnage, and built to fulfill these goals with perfect precision and grace. Its hull is elegant ebony-colored metal, highlighted with lights of savage red. Its engines can silently stalk the space-ways at faster-than-light speeds. Its weapons can raze a planet in a single night. Its unflinching sensors can track the Blood Lance's prey across hundreds of light-years.

    The Blood Lance's crew is an assembly of dark monsters and unnatural warriors. Vampires, zombies, werewolves, animated skeletons, wraiths, and other fiends populate the many decks of this sleek vessel. They are its crew, its soldiers, its servants.

    Today, the Blood Lance floats in the empty void between worlds. It had been stalking its prey, a cargo ship, seeking to feast upon its crew and pillage its cargo, but had to pause the hunt in order to deal with a technical problem. The door of the Blood Lance's main cargo hold had sprung an unexpected hydraulics leak, which could make the door more unstable than normal and present a weak point in the ship's otherwise invincible armored shell. The Blood Lance has been brought to a halt, and a team of zombie-technicians have been dispatched to the cargo hold to repair the door. To facilitate their repairs, the doors have been opened, which gives the workers easy access to the door's mechanisms. In order to prevent the cargo stored in the belly of the ship from being sucked into the vacuum, a telekinetic membrane has been placed over the opened door. This membrane will contain the atmosphere of the cargo hold, but will allow objects or individuals to pass by harmlessly.

    As luck would have it, a portal in the fabric of reality opens in empty space. This portal is in the shape of an opened doorway, and it links the space the resting Blood Lance to an inn on the edge of everywhere. Out from this portal shoots George J. Cloney.

    Cloney is propelled by the explosive decompression that results from a room filled with air, the interior of the inn, being linked to the vacuum of space. He is thrown from the portal and into the opened doorway of the Blood Lance's cargo hold. He spends only a few seconds in space before he finds himself crashing into a crate filled with Marshmallow Peeps.

    The Zombie technicians immediately halt their work and seek out this intruder. Cloney staggers his way out of the smashed crate. The clone is dazed, but has still managed to stuff his mouth with Peeps. The zombies gasp at the sight of the clone.

    One Zombie manages to shout into his communicator,
    "M-Mistress Ilona! He has returned! The Orange-Terror has returned!"

    And in that moment, this vessel of death and nightmares knows what fear truly feels like.

  2. The following user laughed at Qwaring's clone#1's post:

    Anne Elizabeth Baldwin (01-10-2015)

  3. #2
    Ruri floats towards the vessel and into the cargo hold. She looks around at the hold and kicks on mag locks in her boots. "I've heard of working someone to death but past death..." she comments as she makes note of the zombies. Some part of her refrains from commenting about hoping there aren't vampires and how her skin tone might be lighter.

    Ruri turns tot he clone "So I take it they know you here."
    "Idiots, too many Idiots."


  4. #3
    The Great Orange One Qwaring's clone#1 is offline Qwaring's clone#1's Avatar
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    The answer to Ruri's question does not come from the clone. Instead it comes from behind the newly arrived duo.

    "The lord of fools is well known on the Blood Lance," Ilona informs Ruri. Ilona is a woman with chalk-white flesh, an ebony gown poured over her slender form, a dark cloak flowing in her wake, and crimson irises burning within entirely black eyes. Her features are precisely sculpted and convey only distaste for the new arrivals. There is an unnatural aura to this woman, to some it might feel as if she were a large spider waiting inside of a shell that is meant to be attractive or interesting to the spider's prey. It's the sensation one feels when encountering an inhuman vampire when the creature is not making any effort to hide their nature from others.

    Though, Ilona had sped from the bridge with the superhuman speed granted to her through her vampiric nature, she shows no signs of recent physical exertion. She is composed and in control.

    "I am Ilona, mistress of the war ship Blood Lance," she greets Ruri. "The orange one is the son of our lost master. He also saved us from a galactic-suspension-event in our home universe. For these reasons he is granted use of our ship. Additionally, I have learned that it is best to take the path of least resistance with the fool, in order to minimize the chaos and destruction, his companions are granted safe passage as well."

    It is at this time that two large werewolves, garbed in armor that melds medieval platemail and a high tech space suit, rush into the cargo bay. These savage werewolves take a position standing on either side of Ilona. They glare at the clone and Ruri, but take no action against them.

    Now that Cloney has finished eating the mouthful of Peeps and scribbling something on a napkin, he struts on up to Ilona and holds the napkin out to the vampire woman.

    "Great news, Ilogna," Cloney cheerfully informs Ilona, as the vampire woman takes the napkin from him. "I'm on a quest for my new girlfriend. She lost a very important book, and we're going to find it for her. I drew a picture of the book. It's just how I remember it."

    Ilona's crimson eyes drift from Cloney towards Ruri. The vampire tries to figure out if this girl is the clone's 'girlfriend.' Ilona then turns her attention to the napkin and looks at the picture Cloney had scribbled onto it. The napkin depicts a crude drawing of Cloney and a woman riding on the back of a sphinx. The clone and woman are kissing each other as hearts float over them. The sphinx is playing a theremin. Off to the side of this drawing is a very sloppy drawing of a book. 'Very, very Important!' is written on the napkin, this text is written over the book along with an arrow pointing at the book.

    Ilona sighs as she realizes the full weight of how stupid and pointless this new encounter with Cloney will be. She holds out the napkin and one of her werewolf soldiers takes it from her.

    "Run this image through the database," Ilon instructs the armored werewolf. He bows to Ilona and rushes out of the cargo bay. Ilona then turns her attention to Cloney and Ruri. "I will have accommodations prepared for you. Will you require one or two rooms?"

    Cloney, unaware that this question is Ilona's way of trying to find out if Ruri is the 'girlfriend' that the clone mentioned, looks to Ruri. Cloney excitedly smiles to his friend. "Ooh! We could share a room! We can get bunk beds, Ruri Bunk beds! And maybe tell ghost stories and build a pillow fort!"

    Nothing would make this quest better for Cloney than a night of ghost stories, pillow forts, and bunk bed pals sharing shenanigans.

    Ilona raises a curious eyebrow at Ruri, pondering if the clone is making odd euphemisms to this possible 'girlfriendl'.
    Last edited by Qwaring's clone#1; 01-13-2015 at 06:13 PM.

  5. #4
    Ruri gives a nod to the vampire. She manages to conceal her fear and its not like she can get paler really. "Admiral Ruri Hoshino of the Nadesico." She gives the ship's captain a slight bow. "I appreciate the safe passage." She pauses and waits for the clone's ramblings to end. "First, two rooms. Second, not his girlfriend. Third, I believe it was a spell book. Things were fairly chaotic. There was something off about the girl too. I just couldn't place it. People kept appearing and then there was an explosion. You may want to check if any others got pulled through before I sealed the doorway."

  6. #5
    MystikChronicler had no idea what was happening or where he was going. All he knew was that one moment he was getting sucked out of the Inn and the next, he was tumbling feet over head into the cargo bay of a ship. When he comes to a landing, he hits the wall so hard with his head that he is stunned and gives out a groan of pain.
    Clones under the MC account: Berchnal, Justine, The Zee Twins: Daizee and Maizee, A Man of Mystery, Styx and Kratos

  7. #6
    The Great Orange One Qwaring's clone#1 is offline Qwaring's clone#1's Avatar
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    "Things were chaotic? With the lord of fools around?" Ilona sarcastically replies. Then MysticChronicler makes his sudden and violent entrance. Ilona doesn't react to the crashing First, she has come to expect such random events when the clone is around. She instead continues to reply to Ruri, "You don't say."

    Cloney rushes over to the dazed MysticChronicler. He kneels down and tries to help the other First up onto his feet.

    "Here, fella, these will help with the concussion," Cloney tells Chronicler, while trying to stuff Marshmallow Peeps into Chronicler's mouth. The clone also tries to swipe whatever wallet Chronicler might be carrying.

    Ilona glances at MysticChronicler with a wry glare.
    "Ah, the First. Always the most graceful of creatures. Perhaps some of that wondrous power could be used to grant them some sense of balance. Or at least a more dignified entrance."

    The vampire then returns her attention to Ruri. Since they have been brought to this universe, by the clone, the crew of the Blood Lance have sought to learn as much as they could about the state of this new cosmos. Ilona calls upon such gathered intelligence, as well as knowledge retained from her home universe.

    "The Nadesico? That is of the Matrix Quadrant, correct? What is an admiral of the Matrix fleet doing with such poor company, especially if romance is not involved? Has the orange one wronged your quadrant in some way?" Ilona asks, hoping to gain some small amount of information about a potential enemy force. For all Ilona knows the clone could have decimated the Matrix Quadrant fleet and left that region of space vulnerable. The idea of preying upon the worlds of the legendary Matrix Quadrant fills Ilona's dead heart with a glimmer of sadistic glee.

  8. #7
    MC barely notices the Orange One trying to help him as he gets to his feet. Oh, how he misses the days of old where the only thing he had to worry about was whether to have tea or milk with his morning meal. Suddenly aware that he is in an unknown location with potential enemies, he waves his hands and attempts to utter the words to a spell, but the only thing that comes out of his mouth are marshmallow peeps. Spitting out a few in order to give him room to speak, he feels the Orange One's hands reach into his cloak looking for items to steal. With a glare and speed that defies his current state, in other words, quicker than the speed of thought, he rushes Cloney and throws him back against the hull of the ship. With his arm against Cloney's neck, he snarls,

    "Where am I? Where have you taken me?"

  9. #8
    The Great Orange One Qwaring's clone#1 is offline Qwaring's clone#1's Avatar
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    Cloney is taken by surprise and slammed into the wall. MysticChronicler easily pins the orange First to the bulkhead. From behind MysticChronicler, Cloney replies to his question, "You poor guy. Hitting your head must have given you amnesia."

    Should Chronicler turn around he will see that Cloney is indeed behind him and standing a handful of paces away. A glance back at the person that Chronicler is restraining will reveal that it's one of the zombie technicians that is being held by the neck. Even though everyone witnessed Cloney being pinned, and no one saw how the zombie switched places with the clone or how Cloney freed himself, this seems to be the way things are now.

    "I'll do my best to bring you up to speed, Mr. Hoodie McCloaks-a-lot. To start with; I am George Jefferson Cloney, emperor, quest-going-on-guy, thong model, and clone god of out of continuity stuff." Cloney gestures out at the ship around them. "This is the Blood Lamps. It's my sometimes-daddy's war ship. He 'let' me 'borrow' the keys to it, honest. I'm sure if he was ever around he would probably mostly know that I have it."

    "The Blood Lamps is my own personal Monster Mash/road trip machine-place out in space. But don't be scared of the monsters. They may be ugly and smell bad, but all zombies are ticklish, deep down werewolves have a good heart and other organs they happen to tear out of their victims, vampires have bad eyesight and can't make any correct calls during the game, and Dr. Dr.-Frankenstien's-Monster M.D. is the ship's doctor and he'll either patch you up real good or at the very least hide the body really, really good."

    Cloney gestures towards Ruri and Ilona. "This here is Ruri, she plays big with our young admiral demographic, and Ilogna, she plays big with our goth demographic."

    Cloney approaches MysticChronicler and puts an arm around the other First's shoulder, as if to draw in an old friend for an important discussion.

    "We're here on a genuine Cloney Quest. It's sort of a tradition. This all started when I went on that quest to find Qwaring's lair. Then I went with Ruri and the Pips on a quest to find Qwaring. It turns out Qwaring is a high maintenance sort of guy, and he requires a lot of quests. I guess it helps him to feel important or some junk. I don't know, I'm just in it for the paycheck. Or at least I would be if I got paid.

    "Anyway. This time we're on a quest for love. You see, my girlfriend lost an important book of spelling. Someone blew up my inn so they could take this book. I suspect it was Mattson, because, oddly enough, he wasn't around after the explosion. I noticed this because I had a 'Kick Me' sign I wanted to put on his back.

    "Now we're going to seek out and find this missing book, bring it to my girlfriend, she can use it to learn how to spell, then we can get married, and I will finally have that hole in my life filled. That lonely vacancy. The unending, gnawing, terrible feeling I get from knowing I don't have enough family members around to compete on the Family Feud. With my girlfriend lady as my wife, Ruri disguised as my weird Uncle Wardolph, my son Jack, and the melted clone of that nun lady as my possible mistress, we will easily win the Family Feud! And then, my friend, then we will rule the world! Bwahahahahah! Heh! Heh.

    "Y'know, like every other day. Because, if I haven't told you already, I'm an emperor, so I already rule a world. Every day of the week. That's kind of cool, I guess."

    Cloney takes in a breath, lets go of MysticChronicler, and grins at the other First. "So, do you remember your name, or will I have to name you? I'm thinking you look like a Herbert or a Fishgrit."

  10. #9
    Ruri replied "For once, he mostly was not the cause of it. My sorta master and this robed fellow were there before him so I'd say they had some sort of hand in things." She sighs at the clone's ramblings and refrains from commenting that her physical aging or lack there of is at least partly due to prior misadventures. "The Quadrant is currently enjoying a time of great peace and prosperity. All sectors have reported a decrease in hostile encounters with my own having the highest success record. Not that it matters much. Fate seems to enjoy pulling me into whatever antics that fool is involved in and sooner or later things will calm down and I'll drift back there."

    Ruri faceplants at the 'Uncle Wardolph' bit. "Not happening."

  11. #10
    When MC notices that he's not holding onto Cloney, he lets the zombie go and glares at the orange one. Not that he has much choice, but he listens to Cloney's long rant and tries to follow what is being said. All it ends up doing is giving him a headache, but he thinks he has the gist of it. "I really should get back to the Inn. People might need my help. Plus, I left my sorta daughter behind. If you'll pardon me, I'll be going."

    MC steps back and waves a gesture as he prepares to teleport. As it has done before, he pops out of existence for about five seconds, then he reappears collapsing on the floor and wheezing as he tries to catch his breath. "Why can't I teleport? What's wrong with me?"

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