Felix Iresso
Felix knocked on the door of the crew quarters.
"Hey, Neva?" he called. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I couldn't help but notice that... well..."
That the Zabrak pilot didn't seem like herself. That she had withdrawn from everyone, showed no interest in the helm or the navigation, and that she was hiding by herself in the bunk.
"I know you're going to try to tell me you're fine. And if you want to leave it at that, it's cool, I'll go. I just wanted to give you the option. Because I might know something about what it's like - the stuff you're dealing with."
Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars) - Cont'd
Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Reyth
She sat in stunned silence atop her robe that had been laid out fresh on her bed no more than a half hour ago. The only clean, logical item in her life at the moment. A mere piece of cloth of no importance. Still, she clung to it as though leaving the safety of its orderliness would condemn her to spiral into the ether.
Was he right?
She’d known something was off with Arksynn when he’d come into the med bay so quiet and reserved. At the time, she’d attributed it to his still being angry with her over the beach incident – and had gone about making her apology. Everything had gone as she planned. Well, not so much planned as expected. Everything had been fine, but then he had to open his mouth and ask again about her plans for the future.
She didn’t know whether she was angry with him for prodding her, or more angry with herself for not having a suitable answer. Not that it had mattered at the time, she had just blamed him and told him that he shouldn’t be getting so cozy here with the Jedi and her weird contingent of Sith family and friends. That they didn’t belong. And he’d…disagreed. Vehemently. If she was honest, most of the things he said she actually suspected might be true – like that they did belong here with these people who were kind and trustworthy – and that thought still terrified her.
So she’d taken out her fear on him in the nastiest way she could think of. Anything to shut him up and make him listen to the voice in her head instead of his own. He’d looked cowed, and a disgusting pleasure had begun to fill her with the thought that she’d won. And then he spoke.
“You’re just like her.”
He had left after saying those few words. Left her knowing full well who ‘her’ was and left her having to face the idea that she had actually turned into the monster she hated – alone.
She sat in stunned silence atop her robe that had been laid out fresh on her bed no more than a half hour ago. The only clean, logical item in her life at the moment. A mere piece of cloth of no importance. Still, she clung to it as though leaving the safety of its orderliness would condemn her to spiral into the ether.
Was he right?
She’d known something was off with Arksynn when he’d come into the med bay so quiet and reserved. At the time, she’d attributed it to his still being angry with her over the beach incident – and had gone about making her apology. Everything had gone as she planned. Well, not so much planned as expected. Everything had been fine, but then he had to open his mouth and ask again about her plans for the future.
She didn’t know whether she was angry with him for prodding her, or more angry with herself for not having a suitable answer. Not that it had mattered at the time, she had just blamed him and told him that he shouldn’t be getting so cozy here with the Jedi and her weird contingent of Sith family and friends. That they didn’t belong. And he’d…disagreed. Vehemently. If she was honest, most of the things he said she actually suspected might be true – like that they did belong here with these people who were kind and trustworthy – and that thought still terrified her.
So she’d taken out her fear on him in the nastiest way she could think of. Anything to shut him up and make him listen to the voice in her head instead of his own. He’d looked cowed, and a disgusting pleasure had begun to fill her with the thought that she’d won. And then he spoke.
“You’re just like her.”
He had left after saying those few words. Left her knowing full well who ‘her’ was and left her having to face the idea that she had actually turned into the monster she hated – alone.
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Monkey Kitty
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Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Siralai Mahr
Siralai went about her day, but the edge of panic remained just below the surface. Her sister's threats about her son weren't far from her mind. What was she going to do? She couldn't risk losing Ebben. But she also couldn't betray the young Sith who were so in need of safety and guidance...
To take her mind off it, Siralai did some more laundry. With all the swimming and beach-going, there was plenty.
She knocked on Reyth's door. "Reyth? I brought you some clean towels and some more clothes you can borrow from... Hey, Reyth? Are you okay?"
Siralai had of course not expected a verbal response to her question, but the stillness from within the room worried her.
Siralai went about her day, but the edge of panic remained just below the surface. Her sister's threats about her son weren't far from her mind. What was she going to do? She couldn't risk losing Ebben. But she also couldn't betray the young Sith who were so in need of safety and guidance...
To take her mind off it, Siralai did some more laundry. With all the swimming and beach-going, there was plenty.
She knocked on Reyth's door. "Reyth? I brought you some clean towels and some more clothes you can borrow from... Hey, Reyth? Are you okay?"
Siralai had of course not expected a verbal response to her question, but the stillness from within the room worried her.
Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Neva Xolte
She turned her head so she could see Felix and found herself briefly unable to break eye contact. As though suddenly she needed to see someone there and know they were real. Her mouth was pressed into a firm line and the struggle within was visible in the way the muscles of her face tightened and relaxed over and over again as though she were trying to speak but her lips wouldn't let any sound past them.
If she wasn't going to ignore this, then she needed to be okay with the fact that other people knew she wasn't okay. Really, by now probably everyone had noticed - Teizi and Akaavi certain had first-hand experience with just how 'off' she was. But it was one thing having people know she wasn't quite right and another to ask for help with something she didn't understand.
Which was precisely why she needed help.
After what seemed like an eternity, though in reality was no more than several seconds, Neva's features softened and she hopped down off the bunk. Hands automatically settling on her hips, she looked away, face flushed. She bit her lip, took a deep breath, then regained eye contact with Felix.
"I guess...I guess I can't hide what I don't understand. So yeah, if you want, I could use a hand figuring out what's going on. Why I can't just be normal. I don't get why my brain still seems to think that was a big deal."
She turned her head so she could see Felix and found herself briefly unable to break eye contact. As though suddenly she needed to see someone there and know they were real. Her mouth was pressed into a firm line and the struggle within was visible in the way the muscles of her face tightened and relaxed over and over again as though she were trying to speak but her lips wouldn't let any sound past them.
If she wasn't going to ignore this, then she needed to be okay with the fact that other people knew she wasn't okay. Really, by now probably everyone had noticed - Teizi and Akaavi certain had first-hand experience with just how 'off' she was. But it was one thing having people know she wasn't quite right and another to ask for help with something she didn't understand.
Which was precisely why she needed help.
After what seemed like an eternity, though in reality was no more than several seconds, Neva's features softened and she hopped down off the bunk. Hands automatically settling on her hips, she looked away, face flushed. She bit her lip, took a deep breath, then regained eye contact with Felix.
"I guess...I guess I can't hide what I don't understand. So yeah, if you want, I could use a hand figuring out what's going on. Why I can't just be normal. I don't get why my brain still seems to think that was a big deal."
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Monkey Kitty
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Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Felix Iresso
Felix took a seat, arranging himself for a chat.
"I don't know about normal, Neva," he said gently. "You aren't always going to feel like this. It gets better when it's not as fresh. But normal... yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'm back to normal yet either."
He hoped she wouldn't think he was unappreciative of the good things in his life. A wonderful, supportive wife. Three beautiful new daughters. Great friends. But the good things couldn't just erase the trauma.
"It's not just about the injuries, is it? You could get hurt that bad in combat - worse, even - and not feel it like this. It's something else. It's someone doing this to you while you're helpless. While you can't protect yourself. It's... yeah, something else. It's a big deal. It's okay to admit that to yourself."
Felix took a seat, arranging himself for a chat.
"I don't know about normal, Neva," he said gently. "You aren't always going to feel like this. It gets better when it's not as fresh. But normal... yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'm back to normal yet either."
He hoped she wouldn't think he was unappreciative of the good things in his life. A wonderful, supportive wife. Three beautiful new daughters. Great friends. But the good things couldn't just erase the trauma.
"It's not just about the injuries, is it? You could get hurt that bad in combat - worse, even - and not feel it like this. It's something else. It's someone doing this to you while you're helpless. While you can't protect yourself. It's... yeah, something else. It's a big deal. It's okay to admit that to yourself."
Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Reyth
She'd felt her approach, so the knock at the door shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was. Perhaps because it was a knock instead of simple entry. This simple, merest minimum of respect had been denied her for as long as she'd lived. But at least she could still recognize it. It puzzled her, though. The Jedi or former Jedi or whatever she wanted to be called certainly had power over her and could use it anytime she liked. It wasn't out of fear that Reyth was being given respect. The idea was counter-cultural.
It was a full minute before she realized that Siralai had broken her earlier train of thought - she only remembered because she still found herself unable to get off the robe on the bed. Her eyes were drawn to it now, her pale skin a sharp contrast to the material. Except for her hands. She blinked at them for a moment. Strange. Her hands were a different colour than her arms. Reyth rubbed at the back of her hand absently until another knock broke her reverie again.
This time, she hopped down and walked to the door, pressing the button to slide it open to allow Siralai entry before something else caught her fleeting attention. Reyth's eyes darted about to land on nothing in particular, her thin arms hugged her naked body even though she didn't appear ashamed or cold. Finally, her hands fluttered out from behind her back to quickly sign,
"You should keep Arksynn. He deserves to be here. He is not yet a monster...like our Master. Like me. He is not like me."
She'd felt her approach, so the knock at the door shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was. Perhaps because it was a knock instead of simple entry. This simple, merest minimum of respect had been denied her for as long as she'd lived. But at least she could still recognize it. It puzzled her, though. The Jedi or former Jedi or whatever she wanted to be called certainly had power over her and could use it anytime she liked. It wasn't out of fear that Reyth was being given respect. The idea was counter-cultural.
It was a full minute before she realized that Siralai had broken her earlier train of thought - she only remembered because she still found herself unable to get off the robe on the bed. Her eyes were drawn to it now, her pale skin a sharp contrast to the material. Except for her hands. She blinked at them for a moment. Strange. Her hands were a different colour than her arms. Reyth rubbed at the back of her hand absently until another knock broke her reverie again.
This time, she hopped down and walked to the door, pressing the button to slide it open to allow Siralai entry before something else caught her fleeting attention. Reyth's eyes darted about to land on nothing in particular, her thin arms hugged her naked body even though she didn't appear ashamed or cold. Finally, her hands fluttered out from behind her back to quickly sign,
"You should keep Arksynn. He deserves to be here. He is not yet a monster...like our Master. Like me. He is not like me."
Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Neva Xolte
"So, I'm stuck like this? Until...? Until my brain catches up with my body and figures out that it's okay too and we can get on with life?"
Patience was not a zabrak's strong point - and not this particular zabrak's either. She paced the length of the crew quarters as she attempted to take in this new information without losing hope that someday she could just carry on with business as usual. What had happened to Felix was so much worse than what had happened to her. She was gone, what, a day? Two days? He put up with that crap for five years and he was able to walk into the lab he'd be held in without losing his cool. She couldn't even see a view screen of a med bay.
"How did you do it?" Neva's voice was demanding, her whole body tense as though she were about to pounce on Felix and shake the answer out of him. She seemed to come to herself a bit and swallowed, visibly refocusing. "What I mean is, how did you manage to go down there without freaking out? Is there some sorta meditation trick or something? Can you teach it to me?"
"So, I'm stuck like this? Until...? Until my brain catches up with my body and figures out that it's okay too and we can get on with life?"
Patience was not a zabrak's strong point - and not this particular zabrak's either. She paced the length of the crew quarters as she attempted to take in this new information without losing hope that someday she could just carry on with business as usual. What had happened to Felix was so much worse than what had happened to her. She was gone, what, a day? Two days? He put up with that crap for five years and he was able to walk into the lab he'd be held in without losing his cool. She couldn't even see a view screen of a med bay.
"How did you do it?" Neva's voice was demanding, her whole body tense as though she were about to pounce on Felix and shake the answer out of him. She seemed to come to herself a bit and swallowed, visibly refocusing. "What I mean is, how did you manage to go down there without freaking out? Is there some sorta meditation trick or something? Can you teach it to me?"
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Monkey Kitty
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Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Siralai Mahr
Siralai was a bit puzzled by Reyth's nakedness again - granted, she herself had knocked and interrupted, but she would have expected someone Reyth's age to pull on some clothes before answering the door - but that obviously wasn't the biggest issue here.
Reyth was clearly distressed about something. The signs were still new to Siralai; she had to pay careful attention to understand. When she did, though, it brought a pang of sympathy.
"Of course we'll provide a haven for Arksynn," Siralai assured her. "We know he isn't a monster. But Reyth... neither are you. I understand that there are things you've learned that are hard to unlearn. Patterns that are difficult to break. But that doesn't mean you're a monster. I see good in you, Reyth. I see potential. You have the power to be whatever you want to be. You have to give yourself time, though. You have to give yourself patience. Your Master treated you and Arksynn horribly - but that isn't your fault. You and Arksynn can heal from what she did. You both can."
Siralai was a bit puzzled by Reyth's nakedness again - granted, she herself had knocked and interrupted, but she would have expected someone Reyth's age to pull on some clothes before answering the door - but that obviously wasn't the biggest issue here.
Reyth was clearly distressed about something. The signs were still new to Siralai; she had to pay careful attention to understand. When she did, though, it brought a pang of sympathy.
"Of course we'll provide a haven for Arksynn," Siralai assured her. "We know he isn't a monster. But Reyth... neither are you. I understand that there are things you've learned that are hard to unlearn. Patterns that are difficult to break. But that doesn't mean you're a monster. I see good in you, Reyth. I see potential. You have the power to be whatever you want to be. You have to give yourself time, though. You have to give yourself patience. Your Master treated you and Arksynn horribly - but that isn't your fault. You and Arksynn can heal from what she did. You both can."
Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Padawan Dallyn
Dallyn wasn't sure when he'd started to think past the simple feeling of not belonging in the Order. He had never really felt like he measured up. The fact that he'd passed his trials to become a padawan to begin with had been a bit of a surprise. It shouldn't have been. He'd grown up in the Order, or at least, the seven years he'd spent there had been most of his life. He'd been a good student. Sure, maybe he wasn't the best at sword play, but otherwise, a good student. He had no excuse to feel the way that he did.
He realized that his palms were sweating and attempted to wipe them dry on his robes. It wasn't that he was nervous to talk to Theron. His respect for the man wasn't what dried out his mouth. It was the question he was about to ask that was terrifying. A question that could change his life, depending on the answer. He glanced behind him, though he knew that Visper was busy with the two injured people they rescue. He was alone in the cockpit. They would be back on Rishi soon...this was his chance. He opened a comm to Theron's ship and hoped that Ms. Beniko wasn't Theron's co-pilot at the moment.
"Um, Theron? Mind if I ask you something kinda personal?" Dallyn had cleared his throat, but his voice had still squeaked upon opening his mouth. He cleared it again and forged ahead. "How did you know that you didn't want to be a Jedi?"
Dallyn wasn't sure when he'd started to think past the simple feeling of not belonging in the Order. He had never really felt like he measured up. The fact that he'd passed his trials to become a padawan to begin with had been a bit of a surprise. It shouldn't have been. He'd grown up in the Order, or at least, the seven years he'd spent there had been most of his life. He'd been a good student. Sure, maybe he wasn't the best at sword play, but otherwise, a good student. He had no excuse to feel the way that he did.
He realized that his palms were sweating and attempted to wipe them dry on his robes. It wasn't that he was nervous to talk to Theron. His respect for the man wasn't what dried out his mouth. It was the question he was about to ask that was terrifying. A question that could change his life, depending on the answer. He glanced behind him, though he knew that Visper was busy with the two injured people they rescue. He was alone in the cockpit. They would be back on Rishi soon...this was his chance. He opened a comm to Theron's ship and hoped that Ms. Beniko wasn't Theron's co-pilot at the moment.
"Um, Theron? Mind if I ask you something kinda personal?" Dallyn had cleared his throat, but his voice had still squeaked upon opening his mouth. He cleared it again and forged ahead. "How did you know that you didn't want to be a Jedi?"
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Monkey Kitty
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Re: Mek-Sha Nightlife (Star Wars)
Felix Iresso
"I was freaking out," Felix admitted. "In my head. It came and went. I knew we had a job to do, and sometimes it was enough to focus on that, but that place... it was so much like..."
He took a split second to draw a breath, to calm himself.
Then he went on, "It was so much like where I was held in Zakuulan space. It brought back a lot of unwanted memories. I'm not sure I'm okay yet."
Felix felt himself losing control of the conversation. This was supposed to be able helping Neva. Not about his issues. Time to get this back on track.
"Anyway. There's no magic bullet. I wish there was. It helps to talk to people who care, when you can. And you just have to keep telling yourself it isn't happening now - that it was in the past. Try to stay in the moment. That takes work. But it's... you have to do it. You have to try to stop your brain from putting you back in the past over and over. Focus on your senses - what you can see, hear, smell, touch. It'll help ground you."
"I was freaking out," Felix admitted. "In my head. It came and went. I knew we had a job to do, and sometimes it was enough to focus on that, but that place... it was so much like..."
He took a split second to draw a breath, to calm himself.
Then he went on, "It was so much like where I was held in Zakuulan space. It brought back a lot of unwanted memories. I'm not sure I'm okay yet."
Felix felt himself losing control of the conversation. This was supposed to be able helping Neva. Not about his issues. Time to get this back on track.
"Anyway. There's no magic bullet. I wish there was. It helps to talk to people who care, when you can. And you just have to keep telling yourself it isn't happening now - that it was in the past. Try to stay in the moment. That takes work. But it's... you have to do it. You have to try to stop your brain from putting you back in the past over and over. Focus on your senses - what you can see, hear, smell, touch. It'll help ground you."